I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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