i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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