I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
