my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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