i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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