Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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