last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
