Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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