So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
