I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
