pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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