i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can Purell be used as lube?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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