I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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