I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize