My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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