I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
