My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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