We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
