i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize