I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
