the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Floor bacon is actually really good
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
