Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You can't just leave with hair like that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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