I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You can't special order awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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