adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
