Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
