woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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