i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
