Say something about gay babies.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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