No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
