OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Don't make out with my wife yet
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
