i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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