I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
