her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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