Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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