You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
