apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize