saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
