Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize