take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
