i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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