how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
