my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize