We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
