...so i touched it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
