I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
