I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
