I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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