My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
