There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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