I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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