i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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