I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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