Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
