i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
