Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
