i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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