yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
do nipples grow back?
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