You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Please don't give away my fajitas
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
