i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
