If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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