hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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