I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
