Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're a waste of cheezeits
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
