Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
