Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
