guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
