In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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