Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
