i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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