Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
