the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
