just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
