so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
