yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
