My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize